How to please women

Let me preface this by saying that this article, although educational in nature, is of adult content and contains explicit language which some readers, especially women may find objectionable and profane.  If you think you will be offended, please do not read any further.  If you choose to forward this to your respective groups, do so at your own risk.  If you received this in error, please delete it.

Many books about sexuality describe the male and female orgasms as about the same in intensity and pleasure, but the authors admit that no one can ever be sure of this assumption because no human being has been both a man and a woman and that there are no tests to determine the truthfulness of this assumption.  I am of the opinion that women get a lot more enjoyment from sex than men and I will provide evidence that made me arrive at this conclusion.  First, God created woman to carry a lot more burdens in life than man.  Woman is the one who menstruates, gets pregnant, and carries the baby for 9 months before delivering the baby into the world. After delivery, the woman is responsible for nursing and nurturing the baby.  In addition, the woman is expected to keep house, cook, do the laundry, clean and in many cases contribute to the family income as well.  In contrast, the man though he may be the primary provider, really has it easy, sits in front of the TV, gets waited on by his mate and does not suffer the physical and emotional hardships the woman has to go through in a lifetime.

It is against this back draft that I say it is too lopsided against our adorable women.  Therefore, I have concluded that God must have created some kind of an equalizer for women.  That great equalizer I believe is that women get a lot more out of sex than men.  Most of us know that some women are capable of multiple orgasms and female ejaculation, so it is not hard for me to conclude that their orgasms must be more intense than ours……10, 20 maybe even 100 times more pleasurable than ours.  Many women try to describe “IT” in songs and poems.  The following poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning is one of my favorites:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

Poor Elizabeth!  She was beside herself trying to grasp for the right words to describe the euphoria, the overwhelming ecstasy she must have been experiencing when she wrote this poem in the 1800s.  It is clear her soul reached unparalleled heights, not to mention the boundless breadth and abyssal depth when she was “feeling out of sight”.

Women can keep going even after an orgasm.  As a former girlfriend said to me, “it just goes on and on”. On the other hand, most men go limp after an orgasm and have to wait some time before achieving another erection.  This is called the refractory period.  18 year old males have an average refractory period of 15 minutes while those in their 70s on the average cannot achieve another erection until after 20 hours.  According to medical studies, men reach their sexual peak at the age of 21 whereas women reach theirs at the age of 40.  Are you with me?

Therefore, now that I have presented the evidence, how do we make our women happy?  How do we please women? What do women want?  I will skip the preliminaries, the dating part, the candlelight dinners, the romance because I am sure you guys out there have your own ideas and I am sure you are competent enough in that respect.  I will get right into the nitty gritty because I have given enough evidence that women are hornier than us.

In my own experience, I know of 3 different female orgasms.  I am sure there are more than 3, but borrowing Obama’s statement, anything above 3 is “beyond my pay scale”.  I have seen clitoral orgasm, vaginal orgasm and believe it or not nipple orgasm. I have also heard of anal orgasm but let’s not go there.

Women need a lot of foreplay and teasing.  So after the usual preliminaries, kissing, nibbling, pressing your naked body to hers both of you should be good and ready.  You have your full erection and her vagina is well lubricated.  At this point DO NOT JUST SHOVE YOUR DICK IN!  Tease her by ever-lightly pressing the head of your dick into her vaginal opening.  You can hold your dick and use the head to trace up and down her vaginal lips and then touch her clitoris with it lightly.  Or you can just assume the missionary position to start as if to enter her, but instead just let the head of your penis find the vaginal opening on its own while French kissing her or licking her nipples.  After a few minutes of your dickhead probing around the vaginal entrance, she will be begging for you to shove it in already by verbally telling you or by grabbing your ass or by putting you in a sort of a vice-grip hold with her two legs tightly wrapped around your back or neck.  But my advice to you, great lover that you are, or will be is to resist this and prolong the ecstasy by continuing to tease her until she has a clitoral orgasm caused by just the head of your dick touching and teasing her clit before your dick even enters her pussy.  You can shove it in while she’s having her orgasm and she would love you for it.

The vaginal orgasm sexologists are talking about is also called the G-Spot orgasm.  The G-Spot is located inside the vagina in the mons veneris general location.  Locate IT by asking your partner to lie on her back and ask her to open her legs.  With your palm facing upwards, gently insert 2 fingers, the forefinger and the middle finger into her well lubricated vagina.  Then gently probe upwards and you will feel a little mound of flesh which you can even catch in between your two fingers.  THAT IS THE G-SPOT.  Proper stimulation of this little hanging flesh can cause her to ejaculate or at least discharge some kind of liquid.  If you combine this finger stimulation of the G-Spot with the stimulation of her clitoris with your tongue it is very likely that she would ejaculate.  Some women do not like being fingered; the reason given is hygiene, dirty or long fingernails.  If your partner is like that, use clean latex gloves like the ones they use in hospitals and make sure she is well lubricated before inserting your fingers.  During intercourse, the best way to stimulate the G-Spot is obviously to thrust the penis in an upward angle towards the vaginal ceiling, mons veneris general area.  Your penis will not feel the G-Spot because the sensation of the vaginal walls on your penis is all the same.  A good position to achieve success in this worthy endeavor is to stand on your knees and let her lie on her side and let her drape one leg over your shoulder while the other leg is in between your knees.  If you enter her this way, the penis has a greater chance of making contact with her G-Spot.

I have seen several women achieve orgasms through nipple stimulation.  This can happen by employing varying light touches of your hand and tongue on her nipples.  The trick is not to zero in on the nipple right away but to lick around the areola occasionally brushing the nipple with the tip of your tongue.  You’ve hit the jackpot if she is very vocal because she will verbally give you instructions on what feels good or not so good, when to nibble, when to suck and how gentle or how hard.  But again the bottom line is to tease the nipples to the point of her begging you to do “something”.  In this endeavor, resist touching any part of her body that is below the waist.  Everything above the waist is fair game.  It would be a different explosion when she does explode.

Most women nowadays are very open and vocal about sex.  They know their bodies very well so they can help you and actually show you what feels good. They know better than you on how their clitoris and nipples should be stimulated.  Many are not shy about using sex toys such as vibrators and dildos and would gladly share the experience with their partners if they feel their partners are open to the idea.  But many men get threatened by a woman’s eagerness in employing sex toys or even if a woman touches herself.  Some men think “am I not pleasing her that she needs sex toys or has to touch herself?”  To those men I say YOU ARE SUCH PRUDES.  Let the poor woman enjoy herself after all she is the one who menstruates monthly, gets pregnant, carries the baby for nine months and gets her vagina split opened so a 9 pound bundle of joy can come out of it.  On the other hand, if you are the one who is receptive to the idea of introducing sex aids into your love making and you wish she would touch herself but she is acting like a prude, I have some pointers for you which would be the discussed in my future article on the subject.

To those of you who are not exactly spring chickens (or should, “spring cock” be more appropriate) anymore and are tempted to ask “Dido, where were you when I was young and single?” I tell you it does not matter.  Just go, use your new found knowledge and please that wonderful woman you are with.

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